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I read the news today oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grade

And though the news were rather sad
Well I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph

He blew his mind out in a car
He didn't notice that the lights had changed

A crowd of people stood and stared
They've seen his face before

Nobody was really sure
if he was from the house of Lords

I saw a film today oh boy
The English Army had just won the war

A crowd of people turned away
But I just had to look having read the book
I'd love to turn you on

Woke up, fell out of bed
dragged a comb across my head

Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
And looking up I noticed I was late

Found my coat and grabbed my hat
made the bus a second flat

Found my way upstairs and had a smoke
and somebody spoke and I went into a dream
Ahhh...

I heard the news today oh boy
four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire

And though the holes were rather small
They had to count them all

Now they know how many holes
it takes to fill the Albert Hall
I'd love to turn you-on