Eminem-The Real Slim Shady lyrics

May I have your attention please?
  
 May I have your attention please?
  
 Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
  
 I repeat will the real  
 Slim Shady please stand up?
  
 We`re going to have a problem here
  
 c
  
 (Verse 1)
  
 
  
 Ya`ll act like you never  
 seen a white person before
  
 jaws all on the floor like Pam  
 like Tommy just burst in the door
  
 started whoopin her ass worse than before
  
 they first get divorced  
 throwing her over furniture (scream)
  
 It`s the return of the
  
 `Oh wait, no way, your kidding, he didn`t  
 just say what I think he did, did
  
 he?`
  
 And Dr Dre said
  
 ....Nothing you idiots Dr Dre`s dead,  
 he`s locked in my basement (haha)
  
 Feminist women love Eminem
  
 Chicka chicka chicka Slim  
 Shady I`m sick of him
  
 look at him, walking around  
 grabbing his you know what
  
 Flipin` the you know who  
 `yeah, but hes so cute though`
  
 Yea I probably got a couple  
 of screws up in my head loose
  
 but no worse than what`s  
 going on in your parent`s bedrooms
  
 Sometimes I wanna get on  
 TV and just let loose,
  
 but can`t, but its cool for  
 Tom Green to hump a dead moose
  
 my bum is on your lips,  
 my bum is on your lips
  
 and if I`m lucky you might  
 just give it a little kiss
  
 and that`s the message that  
 we deliver to little kids
  
 and expect them not to  
 know what a womens clitoris is.
  
 Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
  
 by the time they hit 4th grade,
  
 they got the discovery channel don`t they?
  
 We ain`t nothing but mammals;  
 well some of us cannibals
  
 who cut other people open like cantaloupes.
  
 But if we can  
 hump dead animals and antelopes
  
 then there`s no reason that a  
 man and another man can`t elope
  
 But if you feel like  
 I feel I got the antidote.
  
 Women wave your panty hoes,  
 sing the chorus and it goes...
  
 
  
 (Chorus)
  
 
  
 I`m Slim Shady
  
 Yes I`m the real Shady
  
 All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
  
 So won`t the real Slim Shady...
  
 Please stand up, Please  
 stand up, Please stand up
  
 becuase I`m Slim Shady
  
 Yes I`m the real Shady
  
 All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
  
 So won`t the real Slim shady...
  
 Please stand up, Please  
 stand up, Please stand up
  
 
  
 (Verse 2)
  
 
  
 Will Smith don`t gotta cuss  
 in his raps to sell records
  
 Well I do, so fuck  
 him and fuck you too.
  
 You think I give  
 a damm about a Grammy?
  
 Half of you critics can`t even  
 stomach me, let alone stand me.
  
 `But Slim what if u  
 win wouldn`t it be weird?`
  
 Why? So you guys can  
 just lie to get me here?
  
 So you can sit me  
 here next to Britney Spears.
  
 Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
  
 So I can sit next  
 to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
  
 And hear `em argue over  
 who she gave head to first.
  
 Little bitch put me on blast on MTV
  
 `yeah he`s cute but I  
 think he`s married to Kim, hehe`
  
 I should download her audio on mp3
  
 And show the whole world  
 how you gave Eminem V.D. (scream)
  
 I`m sick of you little girl and  
 boy groups all you do is annoy me
  
 So I`ve been sent here to destroy you
  
 And theres a million  
 of us just like me
  
 Who cuss like me
  
 Who just don`t give a fuck like me
  
 Who dress like me
  
 Walk, talk and act like me
  
 It just might be the next best thing
  
 But not quite me
  
 
  
 (chorus)
  
 
  
 (Verse 3)
  
 
  
 I`m like a headtrip to listen to
  
 Cause I`m only giving you
  
 things you joke about with  
 your friends inside your living room
  
 The only difference is I got the  
 balls to say it in front of ya`ll
  
 And I don`t gotta be  
 false or sugar coated at all
  
 I just get on  
 the mic and spit it
  
 And whether you like to admit it (rip)
  
 I just shit it better than  
 90% of you rappers out there
  
 Then you wonder how can kidz  
 eat up these albums like valiums.
  
 Its funny cuz at the  
 rate im going when I`m 30
  
 Ill be the only person  
 in the nursing home flirting.
  
 Pinching nurses asses when I`m jackin`  
 off with Jergens and I`m jerking
  
 But this whole bag of viagra isn`t working
  
 And every single person  
 is a Slim Shady lurkin`
  
 He could be workin at Burger  
 King spitten on your onion rings
  
 Or in the parking lot circling
  
 screaming I don`t give a fuck
  
 With his windows down and system up
  
 So will the real Shady, please stand up
  
 and put one of those  
 fingures on each hand up
  
 and to be proud to be  
 outta your mind and outta control
  
 and one more time, loud as  
 you can, how does it go?